These past few days, S has considered the same thing more than once, both that he'll have to find work before too long and that J probably won't be able to, at least not for a while. Thinking about it now, though, on the heels of all that panic and several nights running without sleep, is different. For a moment, instinctively, he feels his chest tighten just a little; this time, though, he tries to breathe through it, focusing on the familiar scent of the food in front of them and J's slight smile to keep from falling back into it. He can't do that now. If anything, he doesn't want to deter J from being able to say such things to him, trying instead to think about how much he appreciates that J has. In a way, it helps, too, to have J openly admit that he wouldn't be able to work yet. S suspected as much, but he wouldn't have wanted to be the one to point that out, even just to tell J not to worry about it, certain that it probably wouldn't go over very well. This is better, even if he does have to fight off a small surge of fear at the thought of J being alone all day most days.
"I know," he murmurs, an agreement meant for all of it, summoning up a almost mirroring smile of his own in the name of being reassuring. "I've been thinking about that. About looking for work soon." It isn't like he had any plan for how or when he would stop staying awake just to be there if J needed him, no particular sign that he was waiting for, no precise amount of time that would ease his concerns. He doesn't want to say that, though, and have to admit that he hasn't just not been sleeping much, but rather not sleeping at all. "And about... I'm still getting used to the money here. The figures don't entirely make sense to me yet. But I think, if I get a job, and with the money we'll both get every month and the two of us sharing a place, we should be alright without you having to work yet. I don't... want you to feel any pressure to. I promise, I don't mind being the only one of us working for now."
It should, he thinks, speak for itself, but it should also be said. Granted, S is pretty sure that he's dodging the actual subject at hand at least in part, but it isn't wholly deliberate; mostly, he's just been sidetracked. It just helps that it means he doesn't have to address the part where he'll be leaving J here alone just yet.
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"I know," he murmurs, an agreement meant for all of it, summoning up a almost mirroring smile of his own in the name of being reassuring. "I've been thinking about that. About looking for work soon." It isn't like he had any plan for how or when he would stop staying awake just to be there if J needed him, no particular sign that he was waiting for, no precise amount of time that would ease his concerns. He doesn't want to say that, though, and have to admit that he hasn't just not been sleeping much, but rather not sleeping at all. "And about... I'm still getting used to the money here. The figures don't entirely make sense to me yet. But I think, if I get a job, and with the money we'll both get every month and the two of us sharing a place, we should be alright without you having to work yet. I don't... want you to feel any pressure to. I promise, I don't mind being the only one of us working for now."
It should, he thinks, speak for itself, but it should also be said. Granted, S is pretty sure that he's dodging the actual subject at hand at least in part, but it isn't wholly deliberate; mostly, he's just been sidetracked. It just helps that it means he doesn't have to address the part where he'll be leaving J here alone just yet.