J huffs out a soft laugh, glancing up over his mug, clutched as it is in his curled hands, hardly wandering far from his mouth. It feels so nice and warm, it smells good, and he probably should have had some earlier, but once he starts a thing, he has a hard time stopping until it's done. This is better, though, sitting with S to enjoy it together. "I won't be," he says. He can't think of much at all S could possibly get that would disappoint him. There must be things, he's sure, but nothing comes to mind. Perhaps it helps that he has no real expectations this time. Or maybe it's just the thrill of having another Christmas together at all, the excitement of next year. Making it to this Christmas wasn't a guarantee. Those early weeks, no matter how badly he wanted to stay at S's side, he also couldn't have made any more certain promises. He needed time and help to steady himself to a degree that made it possible for him to keep figuring out the way forward. And he knows, given how suddenly his moods have shifted in the past, that it's entirely possible that things take a terrible turn in the future and it gets harder again to hold on. More than simply knows it — there are days he catches himself unable to help thinking about it, terrified by the possibility even when it hasn't begun to become real. But right now, right in this moment, with S leaning into him, here on their couch in their home, the smell of something fresh-baked in the air and presents under the tree, seeing another Christmas after this one feels less like a hope and more like something he can expect.

That in itself would be more than enough. There's just no gentle way, on Christmas morning, to point out that it's enough that S gave him his grasp on life back. His grasp on sanity, too, quite probably, tenuous though it still sometimes is. He doesn't want to make S have to think about that anymore than is already likely, not this morning.

"You know me," he says instead, simple, shrugging his other shoulder, the one S isn't leaning against. "Whatever you picked out will be right. Ah, hopefully you won't be disappointed in what I got you. The cake's the only edible part."