J nearly points out that their relationship was, by default, illicit enough on its own back then. But S lifts his hand and J feels it in the slight shift of his body before he sees it, still familiar after all this time. The sight of it makes his heart ache, but comfortably now, spotting home in the distance after a long time away.
"You can if you want," he says. As badly as he wants to hear what S would play, that's not even the part that matters most to him right now. That S would even consider it, that they've talked about it now and he knows S feels safe to do so, matters more than whether or not it happens now. They're both finding their way back to this, even if their paths are different now. "Whatever you feel like." Carefully, he slips his hand from S's, bringing it to rest on his thigh instead, close and, he hopes, still reassuring. If S wants to play, he'll have both hands free now, and J won't have to pull away or stop touching him for that to happen. "And if not, I can come back another time."
His mind circles back to what he was going to say a moment ago, and he laughs again, quiet but there. "Our idea of romantic is different from most people's in general, I think." Though he tries not to think too much about certain things, he vaguely recalls once having found it at once endearing and attractive that S had thought of committing murder to avenge him, and he still finds it extremely romantic that S continues to choose him, to want him, in spite of everything. At this point, he doesn't think they have any say at all as to whether or not they love each other, but no one, least of all himself, could have faulted S for not wanting to take this relationship back on after all that's happened. It's not always easy, being with J, he knows that, but S never makes him feel like it's hard either or not worth the trouble.
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"You can if you want," he says. As badly as he wants to hear what S would play, that's not even the part that matters most to him right now. That S would even consider it, that they've talked about it now and he knows S feels safe to do so, matters more than whether or not it happens now. They're both finding their way back to this, even if their paths are different now. "Whatever you feel like." Carefully, he slips his hand from S's, bringing it to rest on his thigh instead, close and, he hopes, still reassuring. If S wants to play, he'll have both hands free now, and J won't have to pull away or stop touching him for that to happen. "And if not, I can come back another time."
His mind circles back to what he was going to say a moment ago, and he laughs again, quiet but there. "Our idea of romantic is different from most people's in general, I think." Though he tries not to think too much about certain things, he vaguely recalls once having found it at once endearing and attractive that S had thought of committing murder to avenge him, and he still finds it extremely romantic that S continues to choose him, to want him, in spite of everything. At this point, he doesn't think they have any say at all as to whether or not they love each other, but no one, least of all himself, could have faulted S for not wanting to take this relationship back on after all that's happened. It's not always easy, being with J, he knows that, but S never makes him feel like it's hard either or not worth the trouble.