J shakes his head at that, reaching for S's hand again now that it's free. He doesn't care if they sit or stand. Neither one is easy or comfortable right now, and the only place he sees is at the piano and he doesn't know if that would just make things worse. As it is, all he really wants is to be held and confess all the stupid things he's feeling, even though he knows it will hurt S, because S hates to see him in pain, hates not being able to put things right. There's a part of him that still, always, thinks it's stronger to keep it to himself and not put S through that. It's a part he's very much had to fight, pitting the instinct of it against the very real fact that S has told him otherwise. At the same time, part of him just wants to be comforted, even as he feels guilty for that. It's his own fault, all of it is, he knows that.

"I'm sorry," he says again, helpless, knowing it's not what S wants to hear. "I really... I didn't mean to get all... Do you want to sit? I don't know where. I — Sihyun-ah, really, I'm okay. It's okay. I'm just... sad. It's stupid." He doesn't know what to do with his free hand or, really, any part of himself, feeling aimless and at a loss, looking pleadingly to S for some kind of an answer or reassurance. "We can sit, we can stand, just — hold me for a minute, okay?"

Whether or not it makes sense for him to seek comfort, whether or not it's fair, he also knows that asking for it, warranted or not, is better than continuing to flail around about it. Sometimes being held helps to calm him down. It feels safer somehow, like S is protecting him, which, really, he is. Maybe if S does that for a bit, J will have a chance to have a coherent thought and the ability to express it.