beklemmt: (pic#15013065)
Jae-eun ([personal profile] beklemmt) wrote in [personal profile] hismelody 2022-09-16 04:30 am (UTC)

J lets out a huff of a sigh at that, thumb stroking over S's cheek. If there had been complications, he would have known sooner, he thinks. S would have told him then, at least, about the doctor visits and all that. "I meant you," he says, though he's sure S understood perfectly well. "Do you feel alright? I know this is... a lot... very suddenly." He feels guilty for it now, worried he rushed this. If he'd been able to keep his emotions in check a minute longer and talk through this before he got all upset —

Well, he wouldn't be him. He still wishes he'd managed, though, that he could have handled this with more grace, for S's sake. Leaning close, he kisses S's cheek again, wishing, too, that he knew precisely how to soothe him. However calm S's words are, his voice isn't quite. His body certainly isn't. All he can do, J tells himself, is to take this slowly and seriously. This is difficult new territory and he has no idea how to handle it. He just knows it feels entirely wrong that S should have to feel unhappy and self-conscious and try to dismiss it because of something J did wrong.

"It doesn't look that bad," he says, but he makes himself look as he does so, forces himself not to say it just to reassure S but with an actual view of what he's talking about. The longer he looks, the more he can remind himself that nothing real has changed. "It looks better than before, darling. Or maybe I'm less..." He sucks in a breath, a corner of his mouth hitching wryly up. "Insane? For the moment." The marks are still noticeable, but he thinks he can see it now, a faint difference between some of them, though he might also be imagining it. If he's right, though, even sort of, then the biggest of them may not even be his work; it's too straight and clean to be something he did in a rage. That's reassuring, at least, for whatever measure of the word applies to him. He feels remarkably calm about it, really, if a little bit like his ears are ringing.

Screwing up his courage, he glances up at S, trying to catch his gaze. "Is it okay if I touch?" he asks gently. He's had his hands on S countless times these last months alone, but his hands don't often stray far beneath S's shirt, if only because it's inconvenient and easy to get tangled up in, and he's not about to assume that this is in any way like it was before, something simple and obvious. "Are you okay?" He doesn't want to push too much — he knows he'd snap if S kept prodding him like this — but he also needs to know.

Post a comment in response:

This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
No Subject Icon Selected
More info about formatting